Jeremy John McConnell

it is your daughter i miss u so much i want to come and be with u but i know if i leave grandma will be heartbroken so i cant leave her i wish u could see her know when i talk about you she holds in her tears and i know it is a lot to ask but can u come back please i miss u so much andi wish u would come back i think about u all the time

Dear Jeremy 
I cant believe you have been gone 3 yrs nex week you have left a whole in my heart
that is beyond repair I miss & love you so much i miss our phone calls so much has changed
in the last 3 yrs some good mostly bad, Jen & Nikki get mad at me for every little thing, they call me crazy
im not crazy my heart is broken I LOSS YOU MY ONLT SON no parent should have to bury their child
my heart will never heal, im learning to carry on some days its still hard but some how i get thur another day.
Jer i only pray you have found peace now up in Heaven 
Untill we meet again I love u &  miss u
Love Mom

I love you. My heart aches for you to come home. I keep thinking your not in Chicago and your coming home soon. Micheal gave me a gift the last time I saw him and you know what that gift was.... I am happy seeing that it wasn't my belt. I am mad at you still. your missing out on sooo much. please come to me in my dreams. I need to see your face. I miss you. think of you DAILY!!!!   Jer - you were my life and if i disapointed you I am sorry if you felt alone I am sorry. If you felt unloved ... I AM SORRY  I do miss you tremedously!!!!!!!!!!! I still can not belive its been 3 yrs. 3 yrs  since Ive heard your voice. talked to you. touched you . Huged you. I am soooo lost without you. just pleaseeeeee know you are loved. in heaven and on earth. my heart is aching for you . I love you i love you i love you i lover you i love you i love you.

 

Today I am mad at you.  I miss you.  I dont get it.... I dont understand WHY.  I am LOST.  Sooooo lost without you.  Someone  to watch over.  someone I  confided in.   Someone who I shared everything with.   I need you now and your gone........ what the fuck were you thinking..... I said I was coming .........................  i was on my way to you............................................................................................  JEREMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY   i am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo heart broken.  If you can see me fix me !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   fix mom !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  we are soooooo lost.   YOU are alll I ever have known my whole life.  Please .  I  NEEEDDD YOUUUU,  I dont understand why you did this.  I dont know why.  You had  so much family support.  We loved you ...and continue to love you... you left us to suffer.  Cant you see.... we are sooo broken LOST ... without you.   I love you.  I love you. I lovjer.e you. I miss you I miss you.   I cant belive we another birthday has gone by where you are not coming home to tell me what you found or what WE have to go hund down. GOD....if you are there take my painnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn..................................................... Jeremy if you are there............................................I am angry ...................why would you give up????????   WE don't give up.  Mom raised us better then that.................. why .,...................... come to me..................... why........................ why did you give up........ we never gave up on you !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  did you doubt US ...... did you feel let down................................................... what ... Jer.............  what did we do .   God please bless me.  bless me to forgive.  I miss you Jer I miss your whispers and your cries, I miss mostly YOU ... Just YOU big brother.  Just YOU.  

hey big brother, Jessica found some videos you had sent to the girls. It is so great to be able to hear your voice, your laugh, and to see you!! Coral talks to you... ALL THE TIME! we all miss you!! Every time they come to moms there is a white butterfly that comes around, The girls tell us its you.. :) Coral asked you to come to grandmas as a bunny rabbit because she wants to leave you some veggies from the garden... Last night there was a bunny sitting at the corner of the garden when I got home.. I laughed and cried at the same time. I miss you!

Today I had a resident tell me he was going to heaven, so I asked him when he got there to say "Hi" to you. He then askes me your name and age so I told him. He said that you were to young to go and that when he gets to heaven he will give you my message. My resident then said lets pray for your brother in heaven as he prayed I cried... when he was done praying he just held my hand and said everything would be okay. I miss you! I want to call you and tell you about sooo much!!! I talk to you often, I know you can hear me. I love you big brother

I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND by Joni Greever

 It feels like burning acid

Courses through my veins

Mocking, evil demons

Dance within my brain

 

Sleep eludes me every night

I dread each coming day

My soul is dying bit by bit

While others laugh and play

 

Dark, haunting images

Are always at the fore

My reality is hopeless

I can't take it anymore.

 

People say they love me

But I know it isn't so

Anything worth loving

Left me long ago

 

I am empty of emotions

I have no more to give

All searing, stabbing, choking pain

I've lost the will to live

 

I wish I didn't have to go

I know you couldn't tell

The blackness that descended

Nothing could dispel

 

I wanted to be happy

I pleaded, begged, and cried,

But forces kept the light away

And now my soul has died.

 

I cannot face a future

Filled with emptiness and pain

So I am going where I hope

To find love and joy again.

This poem was written by Jon

It's been 7 months...seems just like yesterday i cant believe you are gone...my heart is smashed i dont know if it will ever heal.....i cant seem to go or do anything im in a daze these past few days im struggling bad must be mother's day is sunday i found your card from last year :) i will put it up with this years i cant tell u how you leaving us has turned our lives up side down im sober thur all this i hear u tell me "no matter what mom plz dont drink" "im so proud of you"...you told me that just before you made your choice to end your pain...I know you are free at last its just sad it had to take this for so many changes today...I only hope you knew what this would do, the girls are here with me we can even talk about you, we are planning Jeremy's garden ...Keionna Jer you would be so proud of her she knows so much for such a little girl , one thing she know is" her dad Jeremy" loves her and she will love you forever, she come s here and will stop what shes doin and say " grandma u feel that" i would look at her she says Jeremy is here grandma and we smile and hug together and i end up crying she tells me dont cry grandma Jeremy dont like crying ...how does she know that shes so smart Jer i see you in all 3 of them Kylie has a head of curls looks just like you and alot of Nik too......Nik is just finishing up her first sememster of college shes doin alot to stay busy , she  and her tattoos ....If loved could of saved you, you would be here with us , our circle is broken, a link is missing but one day when we are called home it will link back together, untill we meet again keep us safe and fly my son you are one of God's angels and our special  angel......I think of you every second of my day your memory will live on thur your little girls and your sisters RIP Jer I love & miss you so much Love Mom xoxoxoxox

Hey big brother,
Today as I sat getting my new tattoo...I heard you in my head saying"yeah thats cool" like you always would when I got a new tattoo...the only thing different with this tattoo is it means WAY more to me than anyone knows...I feel like I have a piece of you with me always now. Yes you are always in my heart but now your with me on the outside too. This is just a start of my tattoos for you..I have a few things in mind to add to your hand...little things that remind me of you and always will. 
Til we meet again... Missing you always and loving you forever.

Hey big brother...
Yesterday I went with April to get her 1st tattoo... I got two new ones to...Just like you I have yours and Jens names on the outside of my wrists...Jen said she is getting them to...so we all have them.. I never thought I would hear Jen say "i love your new tattoos" it made my day for her to say that.. We all miss you very much!!! I love you!!!

Dear Jer

     You left us 6 months ago, the pain is just as the day I found out, it just gets more real everyday.  Mike Jen and Nik we are trying to pick up the pieces its hard we all miss you.  Demmer got her own place and is lookin for work you would be proud of her...she and Kinaysha miss you we all do. Your daughters come once a week and i talk too them  a couple times a week they cant wait to start your garden, thats all they talk about. So many times i wanted  to call , i did call ur cell it said u were out of the area...we smiled thinking heaven hasnt got towers yet!  I know you are at peace that makes me get thur another day.... at the end i know u were tired, you are forever free son.  I love and miss u so much ...I pray for u to come to me in my dreams so i can see u and talk to u.....just something so i know u r ok and safe, im sure u are but i need to know and hear it from you..watch over over keep us safe and out of harms way we have our own angel and a very special one at that!!! I love u Jer u are forever in my heart.....

CAN'T MEND THIS BROKEN HEART
Love Mom

xoxoxoxoxox

                                      MAD AT YOU
I have your name, they cant say it without thinking bout you
such a shame that the river had to come so soon and
all the hurt and tears I cry, it just makes me wanna tell you
im mad at you,m sad about you
everywhere I look it seems to find another memory or two and
all the things I never said man I hope you knew
the day they laid you to rest I just wanted you to know
I miss you
What do u say to a mom and dad, their only son took a life he had, a liilte girl
his whole world
still cant believe your gone
a brother and a friend
a lover and a dad
im so mad at you, im sad about you
everyone I see with tear full eyes just keeps on asking "WHY"
with all the love we have for you, man I thought you knew
You'll always be a part of my heart and
I just want you to know I miss you
Today was your birthday, I spent it all alone hopein
you could hear me talking to you thur that stone...you know
I cant stay mad at youbut
im still so sad about you but
when I think of you i'm gonna smile cuz I know you'd want me to
I know you're in a better place someday
I'll come home to you but
untill the day I see your face I just wanted you to know I miss you
  yeah yeah 


RIP Jer love & miss u
forever in my heart
Love Mom

To my sister, from heaven.

I just wanted you to know.

That I'll be with you wherever you go.

I've gotten my wings and learned how to fly.

And I'll dry your tears whenever you cry.

Though I've went away and it seems we're apart.

You will forever be my soul and my heart.

The love that we shared will not go astray.

For deep in my heart it will always stay.

You held me close when I was filled with pain.

And your smile gave me sunshine when my life filled with rain.

You guided me when no one else could.

You protected me when no one else would.

We've shared so much that mere words can't express how knowing you has made me feel truly blessed.

So please dear sister, fret not for me, for now my soul is truly free.

So think of me often, as much as you can.

And I'll always be there to hold your hand.

I'll be your angel and guide you through life.

I'll give you comfort through torment and strife.

So thanks dear sister again and again, thank you always for being my sister and my friend.

by Reginald Bush

Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday day brotherdewy, Happy Birthday to you!!! 

Jer, where do i begin: these past few days ive thought of u as a small boy teen and a young man , a simple man. You were special we knew that from birth , u struggled these last few months but u didnt let that take you down, until now. we talked daily and we shared our days, this wasnt your first try at suicide , but when we talked you told me suicide wasnt a option, i believed you, and when u said "im tired" and u told me again you were ok and again i believed you, i forgive you jer for the choice you made do i like it NO but now all i can do is ride this journey out until we meet again! your pain must of been so greater than what im feeling for you to do what you done, because if you knew how it would hurt us you wouldnt of done it.  your sisters are hurtin please watch over them they need you we all do...please keep us all safe from harms way: Mike , Jen Nik , your 4 children, Deemer and Kinaysha...you said you had the best sisters a guy could want and i know they think alot of you i see you thur them. RIP my only son go fly with the angels  and watch over us untill we meet again!  Mike misses you, some days hes so mad at you, other days he says he think you are still in chicago, i only hope you knew how much you were loved then and now.  RIP u are forever & always in my heart.                                                            xoxoxoxox Love Mom