Jeremy John McConnell

its 4 months today my world went to hell, i know u didnt think what ur death would do to us well for me i know my life will never be the same, i miss your many phone calls "momma momma what u doin" , i talk to the girls at least once a week, they are so cute......keionna talks about you, she knows u loved her i keep in touch with demeer, she wishes she would of called u, i told her dont be hard on herself , you know u and her break up was for the best me and u talked about it, im sorry if as your mom i failed u im soooo sorry i worried about you i wanted to come visit u kept tellin  me "im ok mom" i believed you Jer , im sure your pain was out of this world for you to make the choice u did, i can only hope my son u are free and at peace, you are in God's hands now and i only wish for you to watch over us ....i love u jer u are forever in my heart  Love Mom

Im sitting here new years eve  dec 31 ,2010, thinking  on sunday u have been gone 3 months...seems like just yesterday i miss u so much , my life will never be the same it cant be im missin one of my babies.. Im so thankful we had the 4 days in May 2010, me and u nik demeer and kinaysha at park eatin the corn mexican style u wanted us to try it so bad ....u  were always my first call of the day and then the last and god knows how many calls in between lol i never got tired of hearin u...i love u jer and u were my son and no matter what i was proud of u and to be your mom.  I know u are free and this was your choice but my heart aches for u and the pain u felt for u to do this . U r forever free and u will always be in my thoughts and my heart.  Till we meet again I love u   Love Mom xoxox

You  leaving us has effected each one of us in a different way. We all miss you, we just show is in different ways.

Vidal and I were talking the other day about when you lived with us and came home late one night and fell asleep on the couch and when we woke up your foot was through the Christmas tree! LOL We were both sooo mad at you but it was soooo funny at the same time! You told us to "just hang something over the hole" I remember the last few Christmas's before you moved to Chicago, you and Mike would make breakfast at mine and Nikki's house.. oh by the way we are having bacon this morning and all I can hear in my head is "you gotta be the animal" "be the bacon" then you would laugh so hard!

Jer please help mom and Jen, they need each other so much but are both so stubborn.

I love and miss you so much!!!!!!!!!! Til we meet again!

God knew that you were suffering that the hills were hard for u to climb. So he gently closed your eyes and whispered , Peace Be Thine.          In tears we knew you suffered, we watched u fade away. Our hearts were broken you fought so hard to stay.  But when we saw you sleeping so peacefully free of the pain we could not wish you back to suffer that again.  It broke our hearts to lose you but you did not go alone, a part of us went you the day God called you home.  Forever in our hearts and sadly missed                     

Hey Big brother!  Tonight has been crazy.  I have had a long weekend with of course you on my mind.  I met a Girl named "JEN" she shared that we should have a drink on HER BROHTERS DEATH which I did .  Her brother was murdered unlike you who God mad specaial from the start!  I cried explaining and talking about you and your life... it crushed me sharing memories of you.  I am proud of Nik - its funny how she is becoming just like you in a few good ways... she gave that man a ride and knew she was safe you would be proud of her just like I was when she called me.  Today on my way to work I saw a young kid (in his 20's) get hit by a car and I literally saw the body fly in the air... I was soo shaken I was crying and frantic!  He reminded me alot of you... how you always played with traffic... You were NEVER EVER afraid of death !!!!!    You knew you were in Gods great hands.  I miss you Jer, our lives are NOT EVER EVER GOING TO BE THE SAME ~~~~~~~~~~~~    You were the one that kept everyone on there toes !~  

 

Your favorite Holiday is approaching... Thanksgiving.  Remember our last togethe r.. you . me. deemer. kinyasha. and Tom.   And I forcced everyone to say what they were thankful for !~ HAHAH.. And you said Family !   and great food !!!!  

 

I am gonna make this Thanksgiving all about you and how you would do things !!!!

ETERNITY HAS NOTHING ON MY LOVE FOR YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

HELP MOM JER SHE NEEDS YOU !  I GOT NIK !   SHE AND I HAVE EACH OTHER .... GO TO MOM ... YOU HAVE TO .... TAKE GOD WITH YOU !  WALK WITH HER THROUGH THIS ... SHE MISSES HER ONLY SON AND THE ONLY TRUE LOVE OF HER LIFE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!    STAY WITH HER TIL SHE CAN BEAR THE PAIN !   ITS AWEFUL WE ALL FEEL IT.  BUT MOM NEEDS JUST YOU !

 FOREVER FREE AT LAST !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  THANK YOU FOR BEING YOU AND THANK YOU FOR BEING THE BROTHER YOU WERE ! 

 

never forgotten

I know you were with me today when that guy asked for a ride. It was so not like me to say yes, but for some reason I did. As I drove him where he needed to go he reminded me a lot of you. The way he looked and talked.
I know you gave me the courage to give him a ride. I see myself being more open to people. Not scared of them. You were helped by people you didnt know and now it is my turn to help people I dont know. I love you big brother and miss you everyday! Please help mom. Jen and I worry about her.

jer?!? remember here a few years ago..(4) when u came to evart to stay w/us? LOL>>thinking of you, covered up in my bed w/the blankets pulled all the way up acting as if you were a sleep! SHHHH...dont tell the COPS!!! LOL! fun as children and adults., how lucky i am to have a cousin like you!

I know you were with me driving the other day. My hand slipped and hit a button on the radio and changed the station the song playing was " Tears in Heaven"  my song for you. I turned it up and talked to you like you were sitting right next to me. I miss you! I wanted to call you the other day to tell you about my new hat. You would love it!
You will be proud to know I have a few new tattoos picked out...just to piss Jen off :) I will continue to give her a hard time like we always did. I love you botherdewy and miss you! Til we meet again.

Your early days as a little boy, my the joy u brought, your hair was so curly how u should of been a girl people would say ...no he,s  just my handsome boy with curls ! In headstart u loved riding the bus u felt so grown up Pat Tank was your bus driver we lived in Sandusky Mi rented from Ray & Jeanne Johnson how u loved grandpa ray he called u Jughead, u would go help feed the cows, do anything to just be in the barn and be with granpa ray. Once u had your shoes on the wrong feet and went to barn u came back justa crying..."grandpa sent me back my shoes r wrong" so we fixed the shoe ordeal....u always seemed to have some small ordeal which would just upset u... (thats about the time i knew u were gonna be a special child and need lots of love ,guidance) it didnt matter u were my special child. Jen & u and I were a very tight family we didnt have much but we did have love.  Your favorite shirt.....a red cowboy style shirt..U loved it! U loved to explore....once at this age u started the curtains in kitchen on fire! yes i said fire i was in shower Uncle Gil was over visiting and he showed u how to use matches and u just had to explore thank god it was a small fire u got a ass whippin and later u cried and said im sorry momma im gonna be a good boy! How could i ever be mad at u , u had a big heart ever since a small boy. You were my baby and my love was unconditional RIP my son  you are free  Love Mom

Jen wants me to tell about the day u were born......10:34 pm on March 8, 1978 how i couldnt wait for u to be born. I read every book there was on raising a baby... I wanted to be the best mommy u could have. Your feet were so long , we knew u were gonna be tall, little did i know u would be handsome too! When u were born some how the drs broke your collar bone, u wore a brace, u were a little quarterback since day one. 10 months old u were sucking on spaghetti with sauce u loved it, once in your walker u went down a fight of stairs they went to the basement, how i was scared that day grandma habicht took us to er so i could be sure u were ok. My how that first year u kept me going ! I breast fed u and one time at Aunt Sue's house while i was feeding you we had your cousins Stacy Amy Shawnie all feeding their baby dolls, they said they wanted big babys like" U " Oh the fun and love we shared your first year.  ( ok i will write more tomorrow this is happy times but also sad tears) i love u my son RIP

I always remember a few stories my mom tells about Jer and I growing up.  There is the one about Jer ratting me out when I stole gum from D&C discount store, and there is one about Jer getting into my diaper when we shared a crib and he smeered poop alll over the walls,  he also loved laughing and hiding knowing he was drinking my bottle as I cried !  Jer was a protector in many ways.  He walked me to school every morning - picked up the garbage along the way for Mrs. Mater and all the other close by neighbors on our way to the bus stop.  He saved and saved to either buy a RAT or SPIDER from the pet store that my mother would cringe at or he would buy her flowers.  As we grew up I realized how special he was, and that I would have him tagging along with me through out our lives (which I NEVER EVER minded) He always made me worry though.  Our first year in Chicago I followed him MANNNYYYYY nights dressed in a black hoodie and make sure he wasnt getting himself into trouble.  I really never wanted him to come to Chicago because I knew he LOVED to explore and I wouldnt know what to do with him to keep him out of trouble.  As I keep my eye on him he knew how loved he was.  I knew when he was in trouble and I knew when he was doing good, and I knew when he was depressed.  We stayed up for nights getting drunk and talking about our "FATHER" who we both knew had dissapointed us many times in our lives yet we always allowed him to be forgiven.  When I got married Jer said " Jen, what do you want... you want me to walk you down the isle?" "cuz you know I will".   Jer was and still will be the only man in my life I can trust and love with all my heart!  We knew each other ... Just about a month and a half ago we were on my deck and he started to cry just explaining how close he and I are.  And how neither one of us can explain it but we know and feel something between us no one else will understand or know.  He was actually crying.  I was soooooo glad to hear him say that because I knew what I felt and how I felt about him but didnt know for sure if he gelt and knew the same thing.  AND HE DID !!!!!!!!!!!!!   Amazing feeling. 

 

I could write alll day and night about how you Jer !  You were my world and I know you know it !!!!  Fly my brother ,  for you are free. 

Walk with God he will protect you thru eternity.